Tuesday, 23 December 2008
Why must this happen? Totally spoil my so-looking-forward-to xmas mood! I seriously dunno what's wrong her, started quarrelling with me just bcuz I didn't open the door for her! Like how I know u coming back from camp today! I really thot it was my parents who had the keys.. And she wont believe or accept my explanations. As a result, the quarrel continued on and on & I was really pissed off. I apologised and yet she still refused to accept and kept insisting that I was not sincere enough.
We thrashed out alot alot of things. Sorry I didnt know u feel that way but I am really trying my very best to be a gd sis and I know u are trying to be one too. But sometimes, I really dunno how to express myself. I tend to say or do gd things but it may not appear to u directly. I personally feel that I do not need to broadcast to u so long as you experience the intended effect. However, what really hurts me is that u actually say I don't seem to care abt u, neglect your feelings and do not respect u. Sometimes, I really wonder if what I am doing is worth it cuz not only am I not being appreciated, I ended up being accused of. Many times, I feel that I may appear aloof or unfeeling but in actual fact, I really really care alot for u. I am happy to have a sis like u & am always proud to tell ppl that I have a younger sis . But all these things, u will never know & I really dunno y I do not see the pt of telling u. Often, I may do things secretly but I will always appear otherwise. I have no idea why I am scared of showing ppl that I am doing something positive. I want to be apreciated but I do not like to show it out. Sounds contradicting right?
Sorry if I am such a perfectionist. I seriously dunno what's wrong with me. U think I like everything to be so perfect, I just cant help it. Each time I see something that is not right to me, I will just start to be irritated. And my habit of nagging will start. I will change if u can tell me how I can stop being such a perfectionist. I cant seem to be able to close 1 eye no matter how hard I try to psycho myself. In addition, I didnt know u are an emotional person, how I know u tend to c things differently from me? Your perception of respect differs greatly from mine.
U accused me of not communicating with u but to me, it seems that I spent quite a substanitial amt of time talking u. To me, I feel that I shared with u alot of stuff but u say I dont talk to u. Ok I admit that I tend not to talk to u when I am watching tv or facing my comp but u shld know me by now. I hate to be interrupted when I am doing something. What is wrong with talking to u when I am free??
U think that I am selfish & have a high pride but have u ever asked yourself why I dislike lending u my stuff? Is purely becuz I know once I lend it to u, it might never come back or even if it does, the condition would not be the same as b4. As such, u resort to taking my things w/o even asking me & u know how annoying it can be! I am sorry if u always have to be one to take the initiative to end the cold war. Unless I see it as my fault, I dont see the need to relent. Why shld I always give in to u & why must u always win? Childish as it may seems to be but is really what I think.
Sigh, am I really such an insensitive person? Tell me how then I can be a better sis to u cuz from the very bottom of my heart, I am really glad and thankful that u are my sis.
Sad:((
thebluesky
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